My Resurgence to Islam: Finding Myself and Being More Confident When Faced with Troubles

My Resurgence to Islam: Finding Myself and Being More Confident When Faced with Troubles

By Inaya Syed

    Growing up, I never felt close to Islam. Sure, I practiced it, but I did not feel a personal connection to our stories of Rasulullah (SAW). Fun Fact: I went to Islamic school every weekend, from the ages of eight to eighteen. I spent nearly a decade trying to get close to our traditions, to most likely receive praise from aunties, who, in the grand scheme of things, did not matter in my life. I might receive some flak about this, but I was never what you call "religious". The reason they never let me move up in terms of Islamic school years was that their perception of me was that I was not religious enough because I chose not to wear the hijab from a young age all the time. They perceived me as lower than them because of my beliefs about Islam at the time and because I was not a hijabi. They genuinely never respected me. I did not return once I graduated from the Islamic school.

    

    In 2023, I started to go to halaqas, or Islamic gatherings for women, with my mom. I cried at the first one, saying I was not a "good enough Muslim". Just last year, I attended a Muslim Student Association's Eid Banquet for the first time. I was lonely, but not unnoticed. The next weekend, I was invited (with my mother) to another halaqa. The woman who was hosting's daughter noticed me right away at the event. Little did I know, this halaqa was one of many that introduced a whole other friend from New York Tech. At first, I was reluctant and a little disheartened because of another long story I do not wish to discuss further. At first, I was not exactly looking for another friend, since I had so much trouble making friends in the past.

    This girl, whom I had just met, finally got me out of my depressing mood at the next halaqa. We started to discuss a lot of things: our beliefs about Islam, our respective majors, etc. After the halaqa, we became quite close. I then introduced her to Hidaya over the summer, and they discussed amongst themselves as well. The next halaqa was at her house, and it was November. I got her Instagram, and we started to hang out. Our first outing was at the Westbury Qahwah House, where I brought Hidaya, and she brought her older sister. We had a blast talking about our respective families, our beliefs, etc. 

    Then the next semester started, and she was in my statistical design class. We then started talking more and more. Finally, Ramadan arrived. My mother outlined her expectations of me in a long text, basically saying, "I want you to pray five times a day, read the Quran as much as you can, and overall be more religious." Now that I have a religious friend, she has encouraged me to devote more time to Islamic traditions. 

    This encouraged me to resurge back to Islam and further my knowledge of Islamic traditions. When Ramadan ended, I did not go back to my original state completely. Hey, baby steps! I am still figuring myself out, but I have found myself being more confident and solving a lot of my own problems lately (not just academic). I was finally able to study and keep myself in "check" with Islam. No longer shackled by the guilt of who I am as a person. So, it is really due to my new best friend and my own resilience nowadays that I am happier and more confident now than I was a year ago, because I am not trying to be someone I am not, and that is what is important. Never change yourself entirely for someone else. Do it for yourself, not for anyone else.