My Last Semester in an Upstate New York College as a Muslim

     "I don't want to go" I say, holding on to my mom the night before moving into my senior dorm. "I didn't make you go, you chose this." My mom responds. I still continue to be nervous until we pack the car and head to Queens, a borough of New York City so our uncle can drive us up to move into my upstate school's dorm. We planned to leave a day earlier due to my uncle not being able to drive 3 hours straight upwards and 3 hours straight downward on the same day. 

PAUSE! REWIND!

    Where's my father? you may think. My father was doing a journey to Mecca in Saudi Arabia called Hajj (phonetically pronounced with the a pronounced as aw), or pilgrimage in Arabic. Unfortunately, this journey is incredibly expensive for many so there are two options: save up an insane amount or there is a cheaper version, called Umrah (Oom-raw). Umrah is also in Saudi Arabia, but it is a lot shorter than Hajj.

FAST FORWARD! RESUME! 

    Anyway, going back to the journey. After a relatively frustrating journey (external factors), we finally get to my dorm and move in. Since many members of my family have only seen cityscapes, they were eager to see the mountains that surrounded my school. They took photos, all excited. At one point my uncle turned to me bewildered and said "Hidaya, I don't see a single Indian or Pakistani here!". I stopped and said, "Yeah." I am the only Pakistani AND Muslim at this school and have been for the past four years. I was solitary, alone. I have had to work hard to be a good enough representation of Pakistani culture and the Islamic religion for the past four years. There were times where I had failed that task, out of dumb, young impulsivity and a short fuse. After a very filling meal, my aunt, uncle, mom, brother and twin had hugged me goodbye, whispering recited prayers for success for the semester, my health, etc. These are called Duaas (Doo-Ahhs) and are often memorized to be used in every aspect of life. When you wake up, when you enter and leave the bathroom, when you go to sleep, before eating, and so on. 

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    I'm not going make any more friends, I have enough. I need to focus on schoolwork. I promise to myself as I make my way into class. Unfortunately, a lot of my promises tend to be broken very easily. Within two minutes of every class during the first week, I'm introducing myself and making connections with classmates. One of my classes had an Egyptian girl. Excited, I started trying to make friends with her. A few weeks later, we're discussing about Long Island. "Yeah, there are a lot of Trump supporters on Long Island." I mention. She turns to me and asks, "What's wrong with that?" Horrified, I immediately stop talking about the topic. She then brings up "You know, New York would be a republican state if it weren't for the city." "Right..." I respond.

     That interaction between us put me in a daze. Am I at the wrong school? Am I too "woke" for this school?. Here's the thing about Conservatives/Trump Supporters in New York State: Conservatives and Trump supporters in Upstate New York are not these cartoonishly bigoted, evil people; they're kind. They are willing to help you. The Trump Supporters in New York State who are the evil, bigoted type you see on news stations and social media; the ones who are open with their hatred of all living things; all live in New York City and Long Island. The ones upstate live their support in secret. The most bigoted, ignorant people I have met during my time up there actually came from different boroughs of New York City. Once again, not everyone in the city are Democrats and not everyone from Upstate are Trump supporters. Although there is a stereotype because that type does exist. Bigotry in any form is everywhere, and you can never avoid it. But people in the world becoming more open towards learning about these issues can only improve our lives and make societies better. 

    I have to also say that my stereotypes also get ahead of me as well. My new roommate, V, for the semester, was White and from Upstate New York. I had hesitance talking to her because I was afraid that we wouldn't mesh well together. at the start of the semester, we were both cordial to each other and I didn't want to really get to know her. But, after a few weeks, we opened up to each other and I was corrected on many aspects of her; she wasn't completely White, she was part Puerto Rican. Even though she was raised Upstate, she still held progressive beliefs; I was surprised. (V, if you're reading this, I'm sorry!) We ended the semester missing each other by ten minutes, but she was honestly a pretty great roommate despite my hostility towards her in those first few weeks. I also made some great friends along the way. 

    My "woke" mindset only rapidly increased during my last semester on campus. I was constantly having epiphanies (pretentious? yeah I thought so...) about why people were developing the way they were. This never stopped all semester, especially since I was taking multiple courses which involved APA format and research papers... so many research papers. I started consuming so much leftist content, whether that be through The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, comedian Josh Johnson, and many other leftist creators on social media. My "woke" mindset over time began getting more radical over this last semester. I felt the utmost responsibility to let everyone around me know where I stood politically. Stances such as "Muslims are not all terrorists", "Free Palestine", "I'm anti-Trump" were all statements I made during this time, and to this day I will continue to hold these beliefs. I began teaching everyone around me more about Pakistani culture and the Islamic religion, only when they asked. Some of my closest friends, El and D, asked me so many questions about both the culture and religion I had, and was very receptive to everything I said. If you guys are reading this, Thank you so much El and D for being such great friends to me!

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My degree requires that I do an internship to graduate- however I can also apply for a job and register it as an internship for credit. Originally, I planned to get an internship starting in January 2026. I sent out multiple applications and emails containing my resume, cover letter, and unofficial transcript- to almost no response. A few responses, a few interviews, all with the outcome of rejection. This rejection was either because of the timing or my lack of experience/ skills. Weekly, almost daily, I would be on call with my twin, Inaya and start ranting about the job market.

After multiple interviews, emails, and calls that never went anywhere, I finally consulted my school's career center and found that I was doing everything wrong. I then dedicated myself to weekends writing papers and improving my resume and cover letters. Luckily, this time around, I had gotten more response from employers- I was having phone call interviews almost weekly. Finally, I managed to land an internship during the summer- the first one I was offered because I truly didn't believe anyone else would take me. after weeks of not getting a job straight out that I could apply to the internship credit, I finally applied to go on academic leave for Spring semester 2026, and it was officially processed in the last week of the semester. 

___________________________________________________________________________________My ego would always waver, especially during this final semester. One part of me felt proud- I stuck through these 4 years, depriving myself of protein and the necessities of life and community and stuck it out- but another part of me thought "Am I becoming too cocky? Have I become somebody younger me would hate? Am I just some token for these upstate kids?" I would constantly battle my own self-perception throughout this semester. I was mostly proud- but I was also really nervous of becoming something different- that my whole self, my whole personality would change because of these four years. 

I hate to admit this, but I was most homesick during this semester than any other semester. I started daydreaming about my life down on Long Island and New York City, I missed the cultural diversity of those places- to me that was safety- I felt so much safety within familiar environment and the pigment that I could trust in people. Missing it so much, I started to read more and more novels with People of Color protagonists, such as Brown Girls: A Novel by Daphne Palasi Andreades. This novel felt like it embodied every struggle I grew up with, and every emotion I feel as I get older. I can't relate to everything in the novel, but I identified with most of the topics presented. 

 I can confidently say that my personality from when I was 18 to now 22 has changed. I have gone from someone unemployable, unknowledgeable, unconfident, a people-pleaser to someone who knows what they talk about, has experienced many new skills, and become more confident in myself. I no longer look for approval; I am my own approval. I have faced some of the worst experiences that a Muslim could- because of being open about my views, I have run into the occasional close-minded and been yelled at for stating what I believe, I have been made fun of by many- including people I thought I could trust- for the things I like. I have embarked on all of these challenges and still made it out of there. To me, this proves I am resilient- and that is an important aspect to form at an early age. If you don't learn how to adapt at a young age, you will never make it in this life. I know now who I am. I am Hidaya Ali Syed. Plant Scientist. Daughter of immigrants, granddaughter of cultural and community trailblazers, Sister of academic weapons.

At the end of the semester, the final grades came out. My final, real grades on the transcript before completing my internship. I suck a breath in and click on the necessary tabs. and there the GPA shines: 2.51. It's low, I know, but it's a great improvement given I started out at a 2.33 earlier this semester. Well, time to update the unofficial transcript file I have downloaded on my phone and laptop, I think. as I'm scrolling down to make sure the transcript has all the updated information on it, something catches my eye: 

"Term: Fall 2025      Academic Standing: Good Standing for 9th Sem    Additional Standing: Dean's List"

Elated, I immediately called my mother and everyone I knew to let them know. It's amazing that with the help of some friends, I had gone from being academically suspended in my first semester to on the Dean's List in my final semester. It goes to show that when you give your all, good things come your way. Whether it's a job at a well-reputable company or a dean's list you make, you must work hard and always be willing to get help from the people around you. Never feel like you have to hide your struggles and keep them buried to succeed- when you're open and honest with how you feel, only good things come your way. success is what you make it to be, but success is not achieved alone. Solitary is not always a good thing. Believing to be alone makes you think that nobody understands you, but there is always someone in your corner. You need to be willing to reach out your hand for help. I was solitary, alone, the only Muslim in my campus, the only Pakistani. But through letting people in, I no longer felt solitary. My name is Hidaya, "guidance". I am 22, a recent graduate of an Upstate School, studying an unknown degree in my culture. It has been wonderful these past 3.5 years knowing you, and to both of our success, I bid you adieu.